Books to turn to if you have a stroppy teen
Parenting pre teens and teens can feel like living with a stranger: one moment they’re warm and funny, the next they’re storming upstairs, door slamming, declaring you “don’t understand anything.” If you’ve found yourself bewildered, exhausted or secretly Googling “Is my teenager normal?”—you’re not alone.
Adolescence is a period of rapid neurological, emotional and social change. What looks like defiance or “stroppiness” is often a young person grappling with identity, autonomy and a brain still learning to regulate emotions. Teens can be capable of insight one moment and poor decision making the next, this is because the prefrontal cortex (responsible for planning, judgment, impulse control), continues to develop into the mid-20s, even later if your young person is neurodiverse.As parents, we can’t fix every outburst—but we can understand it better, stay calm ourselves, and respond in ways that nurture connection rather than escalate conflict.
One way to equip yourself is through reading. The right book can offer perspective, soothe self-doubt, and give practical tools for those moments when you feel at your wit’s end. Here are my top recommendations:
1. “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” by Phillipa Perry
This has been a bestseller since it was first published in 2019 for a reason. Philippa Perry, a psychotherapist, explores how our own childhood experiences shape the way we parent and offers guidance on breaking negative cycles, fostering emotional connection, and raising children who feel understood rather than controlled. The book isn’t about “perfect parenting” – it’s about building a secure, empathetic relationship with your child and healing yourself along the way.
Why it helps: This book is less about “tips and tricks” and more about transforming your relationship with your child through empathy, reflection, and repair. It’s as much a book about understanding yourself as it is about understanding your children.
2. “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
This isn’t strictly about teens, but it’s gold for understanding any child’s brain development. The authors translate neuroscience into simple strategies—like “name it to tame it”—that help de-escalate meltdowns and encourage emotional integration.
Why it helps: You learn to see your teen’s behaviour not as bad but as incomplete wiring—which shifts how you respond in heated moments.
3. “No Filters: A Mother and Teenage Daughter Love Story” by Christie Watson
At 16, Rowan retreated into her bedroom and stopped speaking to her mother—she would only respond with Snapchat emojis and filters.
Christie,a former NHS mental health nurse, desperate to reconnect, resorted to sending humorous selfies: her face superimposed onto chicken nuggets and vegetables—just to keep any line of communication open.
Why it helps: It’s a vital read for anyone seeking insight into the emotional ruptures and reconnection possible in a parent‑teen relationship today.
4. “The Danish Way of Raising Teens” by Ibsen Dissing Sandahl
I loved the TV programme “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” Katarina, the resident psychologist had such a lovely way to help people breakthrough lifelong barriers. I thought this Scandi book might also have a similar tone. Denmark have consistently high happiness rankings globally. Sandahl reframes adolescence not as a turbulent battleground, but as a transitional opportunity: one full of identity formation, boundary testing, and emotional growth—not disconnection or defiance
Why it helps: The method extends Danish values—play, trust, authenticity, hygge—into the teenage years, offering emotional safety and psychological freedom
5. “Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers” by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté
This book reminds us that, even in the era of social media, your connection with your teen remains a critical anchor. Neufeld and Maté offer strategies for keeping that bond strong—even when your child seems more interested in friends than family.
Why it helps: It’s a gentle nudge to prioritise relationship over control—something especially powerful when dealing with a stroppy teen.
If your teenager’s mood swings have left you second-guessing your parenting, take heart: storminess is often a sign of growth. These books won’t eliminate conflict (no book can), but they can give you the insight and steadiness you need to navigate it.
Remember, the goal isn’t to fix your teenager—it’s to stay connected while they grow into themselves. That connection—steady, warm, and anchored—is what will carry you both through.